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[Holier than thou?]

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"Many of us believe that wrongs aren't wrong if it's done by nice people like ourselves. (unknown)"

It's a human nature; we want people to pay some respect for whatever things that you're up to, and sometimes we wanted to be someone that we're not. and whatever image you paint on the outer side of you, the inner image is the only thing that counts. Maybe yes, maybe no.

I've been struggling to CHANGE for good. I may wear worn-out jeans, a hanky-panky ordinary boy, but I'm shifting myself to be someone better, trying to understand my Religion and myself better. Thus in that process of adjustment, YES, I am being hypocrite to myself. I'm tired of hearing people questioning whether the image that I've been wearing and said, parallel not with what I wrote on my blog, or said, etceteras. People talk and I am fully aware of that; and yes, they are free to say whatever things they wanted to say. I should keep my mouth sealed but my fingers will not.

Shifting myself to be someone better is not an easy job. I was born with little Islamic exposure, and I blame not my parents for that. In my humble opinion, the FORAGE for God is our individual responsibility. If you want to end up in heaven, you have to go and look the right path to follow because the choice is always yours. YOURS.

At times, I wished I were born with 'serban' on my head and clad in white 'Jubah' and memorize the whole Holy Quran. I wished I were less complicated and thoughtful, but I am not. I am a complex human being. I never wore serban on my head. I was never garbed in white 'Jubah' before. I don't even have one. And I don't even hafaz the whole Quran, not even one whole juzu’. Clear now? But I am aware that I am what I am now, but I need to improve myself to be a better Muslim. Not just wait till I’m on my deathbed.

I am a hypocrite.

I am a hypocrite who indulges in hypocrisy and I hate myself for being so absorbed to everything around me, and sometimes being so oblivious to my religion. And I'm trying to change, bit by bit, to be a person out of millions of believers that Heaven will proudly accept later. Few Love the sins they like to act, aye?

"Forbear to judge, for we are sinners all. (William Shakespeare, Henry VI)"

Do you feel better now?


The Tatie said...

no i feel sick.
damn you flu.

judging is never fair. :)

Azie Nazri said...

Reading this truthful writing of yours, I can't help but recall this hadith.

Di hari penghisaban, akan ada 5 soalan yang akan ditanya tentang;
1. Ilmu yang kita ada.
2. Bagaimana usia dihabiskan?
3. Bagaimana masa muda kita dihabiskan?
4. Bagaimana kita peroleh harta kita?
5. Bagaimana kita belanjakan harta tersebut.

what I would like to emphasize is the 3rd although it is not deniable that the others are equally important.

kenapa usia muda ditekankan? Sebab zaman muda ni kita lebih terdorong untuk 'enjoy life to the max' and think that we're too young to devote ourselves to Din. But if we could sacrifice that desire and think like we could die any day now, as if we're 80,90 year olds, then we'd not enjoy that much kan?

I understand when you say, you wish that we could just be born thoughtful and full of Iman. But then again, Iman tak boleh diwarisi or terdapat di tepian pantai. It is something that we struggle for and being humans we always forget.

Reminders for us could be in various ways, but one of it, is to remember death.

Dalam usaha mencari Iman, terlalu banyak yang terpaksa diharungi, tapi tiada usaha yang lebih berbaloi dari mencari keredhaan Allah swt.

Alhamdulillah Moja, you're on the right track. Hope I could do the same. :)

(alamak, macam biasa panjangnyee laaa. ni pun dah try untuk pendekkan ayat hehe. nak elaborate lagilah nanti in my blog. :p )

Moja Amin™ said...

The Tatie,

It's painful, tapi kadang2 elok untuk kita. Kalo sume orang sokong kita jer, we won't go anywhere.

criticism is cool. Just take it with an open heart. hehehe

Moja Amin™ said...

Azie Nazri,

whoa, that's long but thanks! Hahaha!
Yep, Allah lagi suka orang yang masih muda dan dekat dirinya pada Allah kan? and yes, Iman tak dapat diwarisi, so we have to seek for it. Or we'll not getting it at all. So it really depends on us, kan?

I am on the right track? I hope so. I really, really hope so. Because I can still feel the distance between me and Him. There are still holes to be filled, and ilmu to be seek. kan?


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