[Four People]

As I grow up and evolve, from one state of mind (and physical too) to another, I always wonder the purpose of my life, the purpose of I’m breathing every millisecond and every molecule of oxygen that I stole and acidic carbon dioxide that I propelled.

I Love to interpret, trying to decipher what’s people like; how they behave and what they behave that way. And I interpret my behavior too, and believe me that is the hardest part. Indeed, children are the most precious earthlings, and the rest just invite more harm than any good.

When I asked my Ustazah (I seldom get an Ustaz) about the purpose of life, she’ll simply said this, “Tidakku jadikan Manusia dan Jin melainkan untuk mengabdikan diri kepada ku”, flip through Quran and read Surah Az-Zariyat, she added. And it’s a big no-no to ask further questions regarding it. I have no doubt in whatever I’ve believed in, but I want to know more. I want more than what is written. I want to feel the Purpose, not just knowing it by name, if there is such thing.

So, I started to search for God.

Since I was a child, I saw people go back and fourth from the Surau, with white kopiah on their head. They swallow everything that been said, they nod and they laugh, they weep and they chant. And I tried to follow. I don’t want to be tortured in the grave soon after. I don’t want to be burnt in hell soon. Even the notion of it can invite a feeling of nausea.

But, I can’t.

I can’t blindly follow what people say and do. So I decided to find my Purpose of life by reading. I read whatever I can read. I read what the Jews said, what Pope critics, or what Dalai Lama has to say. I swallow everything till my heart contents. Everything.

I don’t follow and offer to be enrolled under one dogma, I prefer to be on my own, and I am my own league. And each and every day, I am becoming more convinced and seemed to be more content and less bitter.

The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself.” (Lao Tzu)

Therefore, I concluded that there are 4 types of people, roaming on the surface of the earth;

1. People who has found the Purpose

2. People who still looking for the Purpose

3. People who care not looking for the Purpose

4. People who think they have found the Purpose, but they're not.

And I see more people with the number 3 and 4 on their carved forehead looking for more shits and giggles. This I know.

As for me, I am still looking.

and you?