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[Where.Am.I.Going?]

~ ~

Here I am. Running my fingers on my Mac. I don't know where to start, but I know that I want to exhume something buried in my mind.

Being me. Being a Muslim.

It has been almost 2 years I left my matriculation year at Johor. A place that has thought me so many things in such a short period of time. From there, I learnt what it takes to be a Muslim. I went to Usrah, I read Quran almost every night, reading Islamic books, and etcetras. I still remember those faces who mould me up to be someone better. Aliff, Ammar, Zul, Faidz, Fadzli, Khubaib and others. We do tahajjud together, talk about Islamic issues and share problems together. That was the first time, I felt the sense of belonging in my whole life. And now, I'm losing it. I didn't do quite well during my study there, but Allah opens more doors of opportunity to me. I was offered doing TESL in UiTM, an overseas programme for BPG and Cadet Pilot programme of MAS. God offered me more than I could ever imagined. Now, here I am, a 2nd semester TESL undergraduate that getting lost and drifted in life.

Being me. Being a hypocrite.

It has been 2 years I live my life in a lie. I know it's a lie, but I refused to admit it. I pray whenever I want to pray. I always missed my Subuh prayers and I didn't even think about performing it before I went to sleep. I didn't read my Holy Quran for months, but I've read almost 20 novels of late. That's my life now. I find it very amusing. Until then, I have come to realized that I am getting far from my Allah. Typing the word 'Allah' perhaps, for the first time in my blog here, makes me shiver. It's a very usual feeling for a sinner like me. I guess.

Being me. Being a lover.

I think I'm in love lately. But, I haven't make any moves, yet. The couple culture. Its a predicament in a Muslim society. Well, you can find young couples holding hands, walk side by side as young as thirteen or fourteen. It's a 'cool' trend of being a teenager. If you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and romancing around at mall, people think its normal. and If you don't have a partner, like me, people tend to think that there is something wrong with you. Either you are a gay or a geek. *Duh. Being pressurized by the society, somehow drive us to have partner in life. Just for fun and amuse ourselves. I wonder why most of people don't really comfortable being by ourselves? I'm a Muslim and I will try to stick on it as long as I could. When the time is right, it will happen. Better not rush in this. It's simply because...

True Love waits.

Mood of the Day: Amused
Song of the Day: None.

5 comments:

azie said...

moja, the realization of being 'drifted away' and being worried about it is a sign of IMAN. ALLAH challenges us to see the level of our IMAN. so if you really do care about being the person who 'belonged', then i think you should do something about it. ALLAH is always there for you. hey, this is just an advice from a friend who cares. :)

azie said...

..and yes, i do agree that us, who have never really been in a serious relationship are stereotyped. (oh, or is it just me? LOL.)
but we all know that love is not everything. we're young. enjoy being single. the time will come sooner or later. (a reminder to myself)

moja said...

Azie,

Eyp, glad you commenting on my lil bloggie here. Thanks for your advise though! Got no one to talk about this thing, so, here la my little world to express everything. :P
Thanks, you helped a lot!

Amina said...

very good post, very honest and inspiring

moja said...

Amina,

Thanks for commenting and visiting. :)

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