[Merosakkan Hari Manusia Lain]

3:30 pm.

I was sitting on the back of my girlfriend’s wagon, driving to the office. Another girl, who is my friend too, was sitting next to the driver. They were talking about boys. Yes, you heard me right.

BOYS.

I was annoyed.

I felt so gay.

4.00 pm.

We were sitting on the old, cheap-looking black sofa. Waiting for an important person, The Datin, in the waiting room. The discussion continues.

Marriage.

“Moja, apesal ko tak kapel lagi aaa?” one of the girls asked.

There was 52 seconds of pin-drop silence, before I verbalized the answer.

“Oh. Tak payah. Jadi lelaki senang, umur 30 or 35 pon boleh kahwin lagi. Maybe dengan isteri yang 20-an pulak tu” I said rather sharply and continue reading Readers’ Digest.

“Owh”

“You know what, I had a conversation with my married cousin last 2 or 3 weeks ago about the same bloody topic; Marriage”

“Spill the beans!”

“Ok. Macam ni……..”

… and I started preaching about my (unparalleled ) theories;

1. Girls shouldn’t be so memilih nowadays. Do you realize that the boys-girls current ratio in UiTM right now? 5 girls – 1 boy. Including the Jerks, the Romeos, the Homosexuals and the Bisexuals. Think about it. (but you can always find more boys in rehab or under the bridges, being unlicensed doctors. You choose)

2. When you said that, “Don’t worry, I can find Him when I work nanti!” . Wrong! Most gentlemen, by then, dah ada yang punya. So, you stand no chance. Unless you are Gisele Bundchen. Or Megan Fox. Or Britney. Or at least, Siti Nurhaliza. Or Fazura.

3. Reciprocal. If you want an Ustaz to be your future husband, please make sure you behave like an Ustazah too. It has to be mutual.

4. Good, ambitious straight guys clad in Marc Jacobs garments usually will resort to late marriage. Ambitions come first, girls can wait.

5. The most dangerous food is the wedding cake.

Datin finally arrived.

I pat behind my friend’s back and said, “Don’t think too much, your knight in shining BMW will come soon. Perhaps, our tradition should take the blame of turning this whole marriage-thing into rocket science. “

I’m so good in ruining other people’s day.