My friend and I had a chat online few months ago, and he asked, “Lee, what will you become in next 5 years. What are your plans?”. Gulp. Well, I stuttered. (can you imagine a person stutter in Yahoo Messenger? Nevermind.) I hate to say this, but I have to admit I lost sense of directions in life since the day of 3rd July 2005. Let’s not make the day as a commemoration day or something, but that was the day when my ambitions burnt into dust and vanished into thin air.
When I was 16, I have a clear, achievable objective; to be a pilot. I want to be an airline pilot so bad till I spent my 2-year Telekom’s scholarship by printing as much info as I could at the school’s library. It will cost you RM0.50 back then though. Therefore, without my parents’ patronage, I wrote a curricular vitae (CV) by referring to my English teacher. I sent the application letter stamped with RM 2 to MAS (Malaysian Airlines System Berhad), and bow my head and silently prayed for positive answer.
On a morning of June, I received a letter with a MAS logo on its upper far-right side. I squealed with joy, despite the fact that I hadn’t opened it yet. I tiptoed to my room, and read every alphabet on that plain white paper, so I don’t miss out any important details.
Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.
During dinner, without saying anything, I hand the letter to my Abah. I really hope that the whole family will say “congratulation” and be surprised upon my first offer letter. But, I was wrong. I was dead wrong. Abah put the letter away and my Mak scolded me for applying the career and told me there’s no way she will let me be a pilot. “With 7A’s on your examination slip, why should you resort to be a pilot? You should be worry about your enrolment to Matriculation or Univerfuckingsity. Think about it, boy!” (which later, I was offered both)
I swear I can't neither understand nor believe this fuckery back then.
And on that very day, 3rd July 2005, I was sitting in my room, crying like a sissy. Since that day, I lost my compass that got me fueled with passion and directions in things that I do. I traded off and rejected an international program, for an act of disapproval to my parents.
Now, I’m still trying to cope with my studies, without attentively pay heed to the lectures. Still in denial, I think I do not belong here, in the faculty. Am still trying to map out my future even it’s still vague and the road seems longer than I thought. Do I feel regret over the disturbance along my way?
Maybe yes, but I believe that God works in mysterious ways.
p/s: Prior to your comments, I would like to thank to friends and well-wishers that constantly reminding me about and helping me out along the way (and pardon all the bad language used). God bless America you!