Up | Down



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Everyone is staring at me…am I wrong?


Everyone is blaming on me…am I wrong?


Their fingers are pointing at me…am I wrong?


I stand still. I look at my feet. I can’t breath easy…am I wrong?


They are talking and looking at me… am I wrong?






Does it wrong to love?


Does it wrong to make friend?


Does wrong to talk?


Does wrong to walk?


Tell me, does it?






I walk out this place…am I wrong?


Am I guilty?

And I heard them laughing…




~ ~

I see you, and you see me too.

We are in the same, large continent, but in different side for sure. Your sky is blue just like mine too. And my grass is green as the same goes for you. But as my strides march for you, I’ll hit that transparent wall. I can’t see. You can’t see. But both of us can feel; that we’ve been diverged by this glass wall. So, I sit and facing you on the other side. We wish this wall soon will crumble down to earth, so we’ll be able to touch again. But sure, its going to take a little time. Maybe days, months, years or even forever. Only God knows.

I will wait for you. Will you?



~ ~

You gave him that shirt; He smiled with exuberant hope,

Mend his shirt you try, or just let it on hold,

Because I think you need time; to mend again his cloth,

Please don’t give in or even get cold.


He left you at home, to gave you some space,

But now you are leaving in such a daze,

Your stride is fast, it’s impossible to walk with,

But I’m sure he will try hard even though with scratch.


You open the door, and I keep asking you,

Please don’t leave now, without any cue,

Because he’ll be home soon and still hoping you,

To still be here so he can be with you…


Please stay, so he won’t get hurt,

When nobody’s home.



~ ~

My close-knit buddy's piece of writing: Farah

Your shirt got torn. You asked me to mend it. I took your shirt. I smiled. You smiled back at me. And it was a meaningful smile. But, yes there was a but. I hesitated and it was not a good sign. I didn’t know whether I could do it or not. I wasn’t sure. I tried. And I kept trying. I didn’t want to give up. I remembered I smiled at you when you gave me that shirt. And you smiled back at me. Yes, it was your meaningful smile that kept me to keep on trying to mend your shirt. But I was scared. I tried so many times. But I failed. It was wrong. I knew it was wrong. Yet I still tried. But I had to stop. There’s no point anymore. I couldn’t go on. Everything was wrong. So, I stood up from the armchair that I had been sitting for about 3 hours just to mend your shirt. I put your shirt on the coffee table. It was not mended. I left the room. I left the house. I walked away. I didn’t look back.


~ ~

Time flies by. It’s hard to believe I’m on the edge of another good-bye in another chapter of my life. I won’t be able to see some faces that make me laugh, cry and angry throughout this year anymore.

Another chapter of my life is about to be opened.

I haven’t discovered yet my true colors and traits. But I’ve discovered few friends that helped me to this perplexing quest. At last, all of the enjoyment, loveliness, gaiety that I had for his year is about to end.

Everything is falling apart. Everything seems cold.


The pain will not be healed in a short time. It takes more than it should on me. Life is an abstract thingy. It just like a piece of paper. Your friends, experiences and eagerness will taint something on top of it. After abundance of miseries in my life, I finally found my place here, in UiTM Melaka. It ain’t a heaven to some, but it does to me. I found my angelic friends here (the demons still here, though), a place where I feel belong to, but everything is crumbling in my consciousness. Something inside me is crying but I won’t shed my tears. I won’t forfeit this game.

The baffling quest is taking its toll on me,and the clock is ticking…




~ ~

How much we learn to understand our inner traits? Or maybe how much we’ve change ourselves just to be accepted or ‘to fit in’ with our cliques? Whether we realize it or not, this suicidal act will take its toll on us sooner or later. And I commit it too.

It’s hurt but it’s OK. I put on my mask every single day just to feel accepted and eventually, it does work on me. I’ve been accepted by my clique and it feels fucking good. I curve my fake 10,000 watts smiles everyday, blurt out words that I shouldn’t have spoken and did malicious rumours about others. I know, you know and we all now. But, I never realize that being the new ‘Moja’ has been killing my inner cells of heart every time the clock ticks. I am screwed.

I am not being me as I should. It is cancerous and sometimes I wonder, perplexed, baffled and mystified whether is there any ways of turning back. Every word I say now seems cold, meaningless, and I am sick of it. Fuck. I am moody, messy, restless, and senseless and these feelings are eating me inside out. Few weeks to go home and I can’t wait to be there, to be side by-side with my love ones. The one who understands me better all along. Who accepts me the way I am now, then and forever. Mom.

I gawp. Myself has spoken; I don’t wanna be anything else but me.


~ ~

Friends come and gone; a natural flow of life. Cliques form and disband, just in a blink of eye. What should we feel; what should I feel? Maybe for some so- called homo sapiens out there, friends can be acquired anyway, anytime- even at the bus stop or any mamak stalls. Nevertheless, for me, a friend means more than just that. Maybe people think that I have such an annoying, sensitive Shakespearean hearts and I must confess and nod my head about that.

According to Mr Affendi (2006), there are three type of friends that revolve around you; permanent, recyclable and disposable (uh huh, see, I’m revising how to do the citation! Hurray!) A permanent friend is the hardest to find one. He can be describe as a pair of good, seasoned but yet comfortable jeans. You still craving for that particular pair of jeans albeit you have dozens of Levi’s in your wardrobe. Close friends are friends whom you do a lot of things together with, friends whom you see almost every other day.

However, due to I don’t really a staunch believer in friendship and so-called best-friend anymore. It has long gone into the drain. Now I try to understand friendship in a simpler form. It’s just a ‘seasonal’ relationship, which is I can break it off anytime I want. You know that for now, there would be this period of time where you would just not feel that hot about certain friend. For me, I almost finish my pre-degree year in a few weeks and I know those relationship that I have now are about to be untied and embedded in my head as another chapter in my medulla oblongata. It gonna hurts me the most, but I do cherish every moment we spent together.

Life is abstruse, as it may seem to me. I hope I will have a pair of jeans to wear in whatever season that may come.

As I said, it’s seasonal.