Up | Down



~ ~

How much we learn to understand our inner traits? Or maybe how much we’ve change ourselves just to be accepted or ‘to fit in’ with our cliques? Whether we realize it or not, this suicidal act will take its toll on us sooner or later. And I commit it too.

It’s hurt but it’s OK. I put on my mask every single day just to feel accepted and eventually, it does work on me. I’ve been accepted by my clique and it feels fucking good. I curve my fake 10,000 watts smiles everyday, blurt out words that I shouldn’t have spoken and did malicious rumours about others. I know, you know and we all now. But, I never realize that being the new ‘Moja’ has been killing my inner cells of heart every time the clock ticks. I am screwed.

I am not being me as I should. It is cancerous and sometimes I wonder, perplexed, baffled and mystified whether is there any ways of turning back. Every word I say now seems cold, meaningless, and I am sick of it. Fuck. I am moody, messy, restless, and senseless and these feelings are eating me inside out. Few weeks to go home and I can’t wait to be there, to be side by-side with my love ones. The one who understands me better all along. Who accepts me the way I am now, then and forever. Mom.

I gawp. Myself has spoken; I don’t wanna be anything else but me.



Post a Comment