[LosingMyWay]

I never understand why my life shattered,I never understand why my dreams fall down,I never understand why I can’t feel myself,I never understand why I don’t feel like me,Not anymore. No matter how hard my problems are,I used to get over it,But it was yesterday,When my days are brighter,My life is merrier,And my smiles are sincere. It’s hard to live a lie,But you never understand,You never try to understand,I never intend to lie, But I have to,Even it’ll cost me my life and soul. You can’t know the truth,As the truth is my enemy,Just because I’m afraid it’ll hurt you to death,I’m losing my way,Just because I don’t want you lose it too.

[theBitterness]

  

It’s been so long I didn’t post any on my blog. Even though too many remarkable things occur in my life of late, I can’t find my time to blog anymore. But, perhaps the bitterness conquers all. I will take the pain as another lesson for me this time as I watch everything crumbles. I don’t know why I took so long to see, to understand and to speak. It’s just because I love my friend too much, just too much and eventually I hurt myself by stepping out. It hurts but perhaps, that is the best way to do for this time being, I guess. It feels like I’m facing a harsh, brutal storm in my life. I can vividly feel its power, and the lighting too. I am scared of facing it.  I stop walking. I find myself a shelter. But, if the storm turns to be nasty, a shelter can always turn to be a trap. So, I decided to step out of my shelter. To face the storm bravely. My clothes get soaked, but I know that my bare skin is waterproof. Just like many other storms, it will always bring destruction, but with the rain, fall the wisdom of the heavens. And I believe that just like any storm, it will pass. The more violent the storm, the more quickly it will pass.

            I have, thank Allah, learned to face the storms.            I don’t wanna be like others that revolve around me. I won’t let my faith slips through my fingers just to love and be loved. World is just like seawater. The more you drink it, the thirstier you would be. Everything I do is for the cause of my God. So, I rather love myself instead of anyone else. I can dream my very own dream and achieve whatsoever things that I always wanted in this life.             Dear God; Thank you for not leaving me behind whenever I needed you the most. It’s over. 

           

 

                                         

           

[Disconnected]

  

Here I am,

try to walk again after you pushed me in the dirt.

 

Here I am,

stand still and left everything behind.

 

Here I am,

breath easily, didn’t choke anymore.

 

Here I am,

whistle happily no more tears or sorrow.

 

Here I am,

alone but never lonely.

 

Here I am,

spending time with friends since you’re gone

 

Here I am,

share my laughter, holding back tears

 

Here I am,

I’m getting over it

 

Here I am,

being me and leaving you behind

 

Here I am,

hating you after you spit me out

 

Here I am,

I’m over your game

 

Here I am,

Hunting my life back

 

Here I am,

and read my lips,

“Baby, I’m back”

    

[CurtainFalls]

Intro

This show will end tonight. A magnificent, prestigious play I ever involved in.

Y: We’ll do it for a very last time

M: Crave your last beautiful smile to them

Y: Of course, sure I’ll do

M: Break a leg!

Y: Carpe diem

0.1

I’m losing my ability to sleep. Another day from hell. I wish I never knew all these at the first place. To see and study hard to decipher your words and actions. To read between the lines of fear and blame. The smile when you tore him apart. Damn, I wish I never care to think, never care to heal, never care to share.

0.2

If these walls could speak, imagine what they will say? If these eyes could speak, will they be able to close and imagine as nothing ever happened? If this mouth could speak on its own, will it keeps silent of this matter? Will they? I don’t even know.

0.3

Will you be able to know how hard a dragonfly flies with a broken wing? To fly across through sticks and twigs the jungle, losing hope and cry over a shattered dream? Will you notice this bitterness? No.

0.4

I really like to show you a nice painting of ours. A sacred relationship that I’ve been trying hard to care of, but it seems even harder to keep it safe as new than to paint it. Its always better to be the painter than the paint. Now, I just can’t show you the painting. Not anymore. You’re face has faded away. I don’t know how. I’m sorry.

0.0

0.1, 0.2, 0.3, 0.4 and eventually 0.0…Nothing more left to say. So, I better keep this feeling as zero. It will never be one, two, neither three nor four, because its will always be zero. An empty, meaningless and effortless zero. Cheers!

Outro

Great show. Few viewers.

M: It’s an ode to you, baby.

Let’s enjoy the last curtain falls.

 

“Stand my ground, I won't give in

No more denying, I've got to face it

Won't close my eyes and hide the truth inside

If I don't make it, someone else will

Stand my ground”

[LittleCracksInMe]

Little boy,

You sit alone at the corner of the room,

the dark and walls that hug you,

sure make you feel secure.

The world don’t even look at you

And you can’t figure out why…

 

You walk to school,

drag yourself out of your shell,

the flaws make you feel low

But you still smile.

Trying to chase away

The fear and misery within…

 

Each time you walk home,

you stumble on the road

The road is too harsh

and no one offer you a hand.

Your knees feel weak

and

your arms bleed…

 

You feel like stopping

but I won’t let you be

I’ll walk with you,

Even the world left you behind.

 

By the end of this road to somewhere,

I’ll bid you farewell,

Till we meet again,

Oh yes, sure we will.

 

[As I was walking]

 

As I was walking

I enjoy every bits of moment that I’ve spent,

My steps are slow…

Slow enough for a turtle to come and capture me

But it’s OK because it felt so right doing this.

 

To be free again,

To walk and bare my soul off,

Throughout this route to nowhere.

I won’t run; unable to catch my breath

I won’t look down at my feet; trapped by guilt and mercy

I won’t be doing that anymore

 

From now on,

I will walk.

Whenever my heart wants to,

And stop wherever my feet tell me so

 

Because pieces of my heart were scattered long time ago,

And I will keep looking for them,

Right when I was walking…