I've been reading Azar Nafisi's Reading Lolita in Tehran, and I swear I could feel something inside of me is helplessly scuffling, trying to get out or to be heard. This books has become my latest triumphal opium and I found that this book is infuriatingly provocative. As the story unfolds, the readers will be surprised with several sensitive issues regarding our Religion and its devotees. Some people will definitely throw this book and consider it as total garbage and blasphemous.
While I was reading this, my oblongata is busy tracing back memories back when I was in Matriculation, and I was one of those spectacled-with-thick-coursebooks Biology students. I was all psyched up for the second semester because in Biology we will learn about the infamous Charles Darwin, the father of Theory of Evolution. But surprisingly, our lecturer, Madam Salbiyasota told us that we won't be going to study the 'Human Evolution' part due to Darwin's religious dogmas but we still able to study about his idea of 'Natural Selection" during the lecture. So we discarded that chapter.
Why we didn't learn about Darwin's Theory of Evolution?
Because 'some' people think learning the-man-evolves-from-apes-theory is blasphemous and heretical. Therefore, to ensure that the students won't be thinking too much on this theory or worst, believe in such absurd theory because this might lead students' faith in Islam went astray; we tossed away the chapter. We banned knowledge because we fear that we will subconsciously convert our children to Christianity or Atheism. We admonish our children and later generation to steer clear of 'bad' knowledge and don't even bother to read or know the real essence of the knowledge. Just stay out of it, and you'll get a pie from the skies. Bullshit.
We are so vocal in defending Human Rights but condemning the homosexuals like they worth nothing more than a penny. We never bother to find solution but so damn good in pre-judging others and their behaviors. Yeah, perhaps it's easier to held stupid demonstration against Zionism, McDonald's or Starbucks than finding solutions or even bother thinking what Islamic economic jurisprudence is all about. It is easier to point our fingers blaming un-Islamic governmental system than visiting Masjid at least once a week.
I think, sometimes we use the veil/hijab/tudung/chador/purdah/yashmak not to cover the aurat of our mothers and sisters but to cuff and purblind their eyes. Plus, from politics, education, religion, sexuality and social behaviors, we silently admonish our future children to be sore cowards; choose the same path that been followed by others in your ancestry like there is only one road that lead to Heaven.
Now are we still wondering why Muslims get left so far behind and shook our head in denial?
"Many of us believe that wrongs aren't wrong if it's done by nice people like ourselves. (unknown)"
It's a human nature; we want people to pay some respect for whatever things that you're up to, and sometimes we wanted to be someone that we're not. and whatever image you paint on the outer side of you, the inner image is the only thing that counts. Maybe yes, maybe no.
I've been struggling to CHANGE for good. I may wear worn-out jeans, a hanky-panky ordinary boy, but I'm shifting myself to be someone better, trying to understand my Religion and myself better. Thus in that process of adjustment, YES, I am being hypocrite to myself. I'm tired of hearing people questioning whether the image that I've been wearing and said, parallel not with what I wrote on my blog, or said, etceteras. People talk and I am fully aware of that; and yes, they are free to say whatever things they wanted to say. I should keep my mouth sealed but my fingers will not.
Shifting myself to be someone better is not an easy job. I was born with little Islamic exposure, and I blame not my parents for that. In my humble opinion, the FORAGE for God is our individual responsibility. If you want to end up in heaven, you have to go and look the right path to follow because the choice is always yours. YOURS.
At times, I wished I were born with 'serban' on my head and clad in white 'Jubah' and memorize the whole Holy Quran. I wished I were less complicated and thoughtful, but I am not. I am a complex human being. I never wore serban on my head. I was never garbed in white 'Jubah' before. I don't even have one. And I don't even hafaz the whole Quran, not even one whole juzu’. Clear now? But I am aware that I am what I am now, but I need to improve myself to be a better Muslim. Not just wait till I’m on my deathbed.
I am a hypocrite.
I am a hypocrite who indulges in hypocrisy and I hate myself for being so absorbed to everything around me, and sometimes being so oblivious to my religion. And I'm trying to change, bit by bit, to be a person out of millions of believers that Heaven will proudly accept later. Few Love the sins they like to act, aye?
"Forbear to judge, for we are sinners all. (William Shakespeare, Henry VI)"
Do you feel better now?
(Muhammad S.A.W, benar, aku rindu.)
Maafkanku, Muhammad,
terkadang hati terasa mati,
bila kemalasan menggigit sendi,
bila kedegilan merasuk urat nadi.
Maafkanku, Muhammad,
terkadang enteng ku pandang sunnahmu,
terkadang ku biar masjid tidak terkunjung,
terkadang ku biar Al-Quran itu berdebu,
terkadang ku biar hedonisme dan diri ini bersatu.
Maafkanku, Muhammad,
selalu sahaja terlupa pesananmu,
ku biarkan saja dosa menghinggapku,
dan ku telan saja nanah dosa perbuatanku.
Maafkanku, Muhammad,
andai diri ini,
bukan antara umat idamanmu,
andai diri ini,
acap kali bakhil mengingatimu,
andai diri ini,
jauh berbeda dari empat khalifahmu.
Namun, Muhammad,
walau kerap kaki ini tersadung,
walau imanku terkadang kudung,
Namun,
Selagi nafas ini tersambung,
Selagi itu lah, namamu ku junjung.
(12 RabiulAwal, Suria Apartment)
Princess Hijab is, as she puts it, hijabizing the public advertisements as well as billboards around Paris with famously misconceived Hijab. In her blog, she wrote;
“With her spray paint and black marker pen, [Princess Hijab] is out to hijabize advertising. Even Kate Moss is targeted. She knows all about visual terrorism! And she will not spare her right of expression for the likes of publicists. Make sure that all advertising can be hijabized “ ‘cause that’s her fight Jihad is her art”. And don’t forget, she acts upon her own free will. She is not involved in any lobby or movement be it political, religious or to do with advertising. In fact, the Princess is an insomniac-punk.”
Deep.
Hijab is a highly debated topic in France as it involves the role of religion and the subject of Secularism. But, worry not as this anonymous princess fights back the perturbing, sexy models that clad in lingerie and political skanks with sprays and black marker pens; an act of disagreement and exasperation.
Agree or not, she has successfully brought something new to be discussed on our table. Princess Hijab, may the force be with you!
Visit her here!
As I grow up and evolve, from one state of mind (and physical too) to another, I always wonder the purpose of my life, the purpose of I’m breathing every millisecond and every molecule of oxygen that I stole and acidic carbon dioxide that I propelled.
I Love to interpret, trying to decipher what’s people like; how they behave and what they behave that way. And I interpret my behavior too, and believe me that is the hardest part. Indeed, children are the most precious earthlings, and the rest just invite more harm than any good.
When I asked my Ustazah (I seldom get an Ustaz) about the purpose of life, she’ll simply said this, “Tidakku jadikan Manusia dan Jin melainkan untuk mengabdikan diri kepada ku”, flip through Quran and read Surah Az-Zariyat, she added. And it’s a big no-no to ask further questions regarding it. I have no doubt in whatever I’ve believed in, but I want to know more. I want more than what is written. I want to feel the Purpose, not just knowing it by name, if there is such thing.
So, I started to search for God.
Since I was a child, I saw people go back and fourth from the Surau, with white kopiah on their head. They swallow everything that been said, they nod and they laugh, they weep and they chant. And I tried to follow. I don’t want to be tortured in the grave soon after. I don’t want to be burnt in hell soon. Even the notion of it can invite a feeling of nausea.
But, I can’t.
I can’t blindly follow what people say and do. So I decided to find my Purpose of life by reading. I read whatever I can read. I read what the Jews said, what Pope critics, or what Dalai Lama has to say. I swallow everything till my heart contents. Everything.
I don’t follow and offer to be enrolled under one dogma, I prefer to be on my own, and I am my own league. And each and every day, I am becoming more convinced and seemed to be more content and less bitter.
The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself.” (Lao Tzu)
Therefore, I concluded that there are 4 types of people, roaming on the surface of the earth;
1. People who has found the Purpose
2. People who still looking for the Purpose
3. People who care not looking for the Purpose
4. People who think they have found the Purpose, but they're not.
And I see more people with the number 3 and 4 on their carved forehead looking for more shits and giggles. This I know.
As for me, I am still looking.
and you?
This going to be a really long post.
Introduction. Let's do some (simple) maths.
Our Prophet Muhammad pbuh died at the age of 63. Sixty-three. And if you minus any cancer, lung disease, STDs , global warming, etc most men will likely died at the age of 60++. Even so, my friend Izza told me that based on a new research, most men will die at the age of 55, and congratulation, women, you will most likely live longer.
60 years divided by 3 equals to 20 years.
20/60 equals to 1/3. A third.
1/3 + 1/3 + 1/3 = 1 lifetime / 60 years / 720 months
(God, I hate maths!)
Points.
1. Some people asked me, why I am too shy to confess my Love towards the girl that I admire.
2. I'm a shy person (under some circumstances) but that doesn't mean I have no guts to tell or propose a girl.
3. I had gone through failed relationship before. I'm not that shy, believe me.
4. Everyone changes. And I changed too.
5. Even if I admit/confess to her, tell me, what's my next move? Couple?
6. Couple is a no-no for me since no.4.
7. The next relationship I want in my life is, the blessed, legal, working one. I'm done with experimental Love.
8. I had spent 1/3 of my life experimenting with Love and Sins. Neither of them was cool.
9. I try not to preach. This is just an instant clarification.
Conclusion. I've spent 1/3 (20 years) of my life aimlessly and sinfully. And I may have only 2/3 (maybe) to either get closer to God, or to live it off the right course. Will I live my life just like the first third of my life?
Nope.
How about you?
p/s: Happy Valentine's Day to those Muslims who are stupid enough to celebrate it.=)
Dalam keghairahan umat Islam (dan juga bukan Islam) di Malaysia berdemonstrasi dan melakukan pelbagai rapat umum serta kempen untuk menyelamatkan Palestin, saya lihat ada sesuatu yang tidak kena dan bermain di medulla oblongata saya. Dan akhirnya bila terkena pada batang hidung sendiri, rasa mula ingin mengukuhkan hujah serta memberi sedikit maklumat di sini.
Situasi: Saya meletakkan gambar seorang Yahudi anti-zionis orthodox yang berdemonstrasi di Trafalgar Square, London sebagai ‘display picture’ pada paparan Yahoo Messenger sejak tercetusnya perang dan ‘occupation’ pergerakan Zionis masuk ke dalam Semenanjung Gaza. Dan beberapa reaksi negatif mulai muncul.
Dia: Weh, xde gambar lain ke nak letak? Tu Jew kan? Sheesh.
Saya: Yeps. He’s a Jew, but he’s against the occupation, though.
Dia: Yahudi tetap Yahudi.
Saya: Tahu apa itu Satmar? Neturei Karta?
Dia: Tak. Ape tuh?
Saya: Sila buat homework, ya? Cuma ‘google’ saja.
Dalam kelantangan kita membenci pencerobohan tentera Israel yang menabrak Semenanjung Gaza, saya rasa sebahagian dari kita lupa justifikasi keadilan yang sememangnya terpahat didada Al-Quran. Slogan yang biasa kita dengar; Jahanam Yahudi! Yahudi Laknatullah!bergema disetiap kempen, demonstrasi, rapat umum, dan sebagainya. Namun;
1. Yahudi adalah nama satu bangsa, dan agama monotheism yang berdoktrinkan atau berpercayakan satu tuhan. Manakala, Zionis adalah satu pergerakan POLITIK Yahudi yang menghalalkan pencerobohan ke atas tanah rakyat Palestin.
2. Bukan semua Yahudi menyokong pergerakan Zionism; contohnya Satmar dan Neturei Karta yang jelas lagi bersuluh menentang pertumpahan darah di Semenanjung Gaza. Mereka percaya bahawa gerakan ini sama sekali bertentangan dengan apa yang tertulis dalam kitab Torah. (Wikipedia: Satmar, Neturei Karta)
Kesimpulannya, menggolongkan bangsa Yahudi itu sebagai sama dengan pergerakan Zionis sangatlah tidak adil. Namun kadang-kadang kita lupa, cepat melatah dan bertindak membabi-buta tanpa membuat sebarang pembacaan terhadap isu ini. Bercakap dan bertindak mesti berdasarkan bukti, bukan ikut hati. Jangan disebabkan kedangkalan diri, membiarkan agama kita dicemuh nanti.
p/s: Bayangkan anda seorang yahudi yang menentang gerakan Zionis, tapi masyarakat menglabelkan anda sebagai pembunuh yang melakukan ‘genocide’. Apa perasaan anda?
p/ss: Saya bukan seorang liberalis. Sebarang ketidakpuasan hati, amat dialu-alu kan.
I haven't post anything for a quite sometimes till I read Liyana's post in her il Bel Far Niente, it feels like a call to blog about this. Maybe something regarding to this.
I am a Muslim. Living in a Muslim country, Malaysia. Multicultural, multilingual, multiracial Malaysia. Of late, I try hard to comprehend what really happening to the society. The diversity seems to be our paramount weakness and reason to hate each other.
I do believe every religion; Islam, Christian, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Kabbalah, Sikhism, Scientology, Shinto, Jainism and others- do promote peace among religions and its respective devotees. No matter what religion whomsoever devotes to, absolutely no one should justify and critics others’ beliefs because it is absolutely his/her prerogative.
It’s indeed a real shame that people see only the differences that separate them. If we look closely what we have in common, then half of the world’s problem would be solved without any bullets and bloodshed. None of the Holy Books; the Quran, the Bible, Mahabharata or Upanishads promotes their followers to shed blood and tear the world apart. None.
As I was walking down the street or meeting up with other people, I can’t help myself from thinking about contradiction that makes us difference. I am indeed think that our contradictoriness is something beautiful and interesting to learn.
Everyday, all of us meet up with thousands or at least tens of people that came from all walks of life. Imagine if everyone was wearing the same shirt color, had the same haircut, speak the same language and read the same books, life will be much, much murky and monotonous. God created us with many differences not to be torn apart, but to learn and find about others. Therefore, above all, we must be optimist about our differences and do not make it as a reason to hate. There is no reasons to hate.
