The Radical Optimist

[Revelation]

2010-12-01T10:51:00.007-04:00

I finally updated my blog, damnit!

It’s been awhile, being away from this blog. Phew. Today, I took few hours hours to actually scroll down and re-read my previous posts. Some of them are quite funny, immature and silly, I must admit. But yes, that is the real portrayal of my life few years back. Some of the posts are so bloody emotional; its like a torrential of emotional breakdown; betrayal, sadness whatevershit.

This blog really rocks my socks off lah!

After almost a year, being a lazy bugger (of not updating, writing anything), I decided to resume writing – simply because the fun of it. 2010 is really, really been my BEST, AWESOMEST year so far. I embarked on crazy life journey; make loads of friend (and few enemies) along the way; and I JUST CAN’T WAIT FOR 2011 reveal herself soon.

Cheers to this (blogging) revelation!

[Home]

2010-12-01T10:34:00.003-04:00

[Renaissance]

2010-12-01T10:16:00.002-04:00

["Who's that?"]

2010-08-18T21:42:00.003-04:00

"Sometimes you wake up, you look at yourself in the mirror, and start to question yourself,

"Who is that?"

And only then you will know how lost you are.”

[My 90-days of Headache]

2010-08-18T21:12:00.003-04:00

I'll be leaving them in few more weeks. And that would be a very, very mixed feeling.

[ A Quickie ]

2010-08-11T02:16:00.003-04:00

"SIFE may not give me everything I need in life, but it gives me ever supportive friends and courage to make ideas & dreams happen.

And that's good enough for a dreamer like me."

[ Mak ]

2010-05-08T16:07:00.005-04:00

Ahad, 3:51 Pagi.

Lee ni bukan jenis orang yang ingat tarikh, semua nya kena tulis dalam planner. Esok niat nak bangun awal-awal, call mak dan ucap "Selamat Hari Ibu", dan minta maaf mari mak kalau ada buat silap. Sebab Lee banyak dosa dan berterima kasih dengan Mak. Lee tahu Lee bukan anak yang baik dan Lee tahu mak ada harapan besar untuk Lee. Tapi dulu, Lee selalu hampakan perasaan mak waktu dulu.

Awal-awal Lee lahir, dah susahkan mak.

Mak kena buat Caesarean section, maknanya doktor belah perut mak untuk lahirkan anak mak yang seorang ni. Tapi mak tak pernah merungut. Mesti sakit kan mak?

Mak ingat waktu Lee tadika?

Mak tunggu Lee dari awal sampai habis kelas. Mak kayuh basikal tiap-tiap hari untuk ambil Lee kat tadika. Mak ingat waktu keluarga kita kena halau dari rumah mak sendiri? Lee tak buat apa-apa, sebab Lee kecil lagi. Mak tak masuk universiti macam mak orang lain. Mak tak pandai cakap bahasa inggeris tapi Lee tahu, mak tak nak anak-anak mak hidup susah macam mak dulu. Mak usaha supaya anak mak sama pandai dengan anak orang lain. Mak berjaya. :)

Mak ingat waktu Lee tingkatan 5?

Mak dari jauh bawak Tom Yam kegemaran Lee ke tempat Lee belajar. Apa Lee buat? Lee tak sentuh pun apa yang mak bawak. Lee tak sentuh langsung, sebab Lee marah Mak tak benarkan Lee jadi pilot. Lee terus balik hostel, tak salam dengan mak. Kak Long cakap Mak menangis dalam kereta sebab sedih. Lee berdosa, mak. Mak saja mampu ampunkan dosa Lee.

Lee ingat waktu Mak masuk bilik Lee sebab Mak ingat Lee dah tidur. Mak cium dahi Lee. Mak kata mak ampunkan Lee. Mak usap lembut kepala Lee dan doa pada Allah yang Lee diberikan yang baik-baik dalam hidup. Lepas Mak keluar, Lee menangis sorang-sorang.

Sekarang, Lee dah sedar mak. Walaupun xmungkin mampu nak balas budi baik Mak selama ni, Lee dah tak nak buat mak kecewa tapi Lee nak mak rasa bangga dengan Lee satu hari nanti.InsyaAllah.

Lee sayang mak.

Mohamad Zulfadli bin Mohd Amin.

[ PakCik Freud ]

2010-05-08T11:09:00.003-04:00

( via Mizan's "Silent Verve" )

Love // Fear // Admit //Affection // Kills

Ouch. Menusuk kata2 Pakcik Freud ni!

[ Robin Sharma ]

2010-05-05T13:45:00.005-04:00

Shooooooooooooooot!

Robin Sharma is in Kuala Lumpur! And yes, I shall pass this opportunity because I apparently I have no RM 2000- RM3000 in my pocket to pay for the ticket. I can't wait to have a steady career and hopefully he will come by to Malaysia again soon. I will definitely go!!

He's totally an awesome & inspiring man.

Good luck for your presentation tomorrow. :)

[ The Greatness Guide ]

2010-04-30T11:22:00.004-04:00

Highly motivating. I know weeks after this will turn to be hectic with meetings, practices, auditions, forums, whatever and I need as much doses of motivation as I could to endure them. This is my new drugs :)

[No Goodbyes]

2010-04-30T07:43:00.003-04:00

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.

~Flavia Weedn

I'll definitely miss this bunch of people soon. I hope Allah will give them the best options in life soon after they've graduated.

Love,

FADLI MOJA AMIN.

"The Balcony Tragedy"

2010-04-29T15:01:00.012-04:00

"The Balcony Tragedy"

by J.R.R Jebong

Synopsis:

A fearful night that put four young men's bravery at test. A paranormal activity. Based on a true event.

April 30, 2010, Friday

Four homies trying to break free from an intruder in their living room. Survival is a must. It's a matter of life & death, to kill or be killed. Who will scream his lungs out? Who will be chickened-out? Who will be running to the balcony? and WHO will save the day?!

Remarkable quotes:

"Ko buat ah Chip. Aku kesian"

(Kharul Azri)

"Pakai penyapu buat apa?! Pakai KOMIK!"

(Chippy)

"Aaaarggh! Aaargh! AAAAAArgghh!!"

(Acad)

"Aargg! Ak xbleh, Ak xbleh! Aku panik!

(Acad)

"Pap! Pap! Pap! (bunyi pukul)"

(Moja)

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[ Seeing Double ]

2010-04-29T14:42:00.004-04:00

Mr. Diva

Ms. Tough Cookie

(yang tengah tu tak kira! :P )

♥ ♥

[ Ms.Tough Cookie]

2010-04-29T13:24:00.008-04:00

Dear Miss SIFE UMS,

I'm late, I know. SORRY! :D

Happy birthday! We may not know each other that well, but I'm looking forward to meet you soon in KL. We have plenty of things to do with our Diva, Syafique Daniel too who apparently not emotionally stable at the moment. We shall throw a party soon and do something to mobilize youth in Malaysia. *nerd alert*

I hope this year would bring with it all the success and fulfillment your heart desires. And your best years are still ahead of you, so hunt them down and achieve every possible dreams. NERD FOREVER!

p/s :Being 22 is cool I tell you! You're not getting older, but getting better!

Yang Benar,
Fadli Moja Amin

[Al-Fatihah]

2010-04-28T00:07:00.005-04:00

Al- Fatihah

Adik Aminul Rashid Hamzah

(1995-2010)

[ Aunt Izza ]

2010-04-20T23:43:00.005-04:00

Dear my (future) son / daughter,

You have to read this;

Dear son/daughter of Moja who is yet to be borned,

i am a good person, and i want to be your godmother. your father has been a really good friend of mine, and i want to return the favour. i will give you cool presents for all your birthdays, record all your antiques on my phone, bring my children to play with you and share their toys, and shower you with love like you are my own.

i hope you grow up to be like your father, or better, and i anticipate your birth to this world.

Love,

your aunt izza.

Isn't that sweet? You already have a godmother! This is from my friend Izza, I'll make sure she won't take you for a bungee-jump, not until you are 16. Hahaha!

[ Photos ]

2010-04-20T12:04:00.010-04:00

This is random, I know. But bila ada girlfriend / tunang / wife nanti, I want photobooth's photo like this to be in my wallet, my desk, my bedroom side table, my kitchen, and my office.

Pictures with mini-me or mini-her also would be even cooler. Can I have a family and a good career now? I want to be a cool, successful, nerdy dad. Yes.

Amin!

Update!

This is far more bizarre that the previous, but suddenly this idea pop-up out of nowhere in my medula oblongata: "What if my son / daughter be reading this years after this? Internet would likely be here like forever, right?" Ohoho! Shitzo. See? Dad loves you even before I met your mother. Be good because Dad loves you!

I should stop this madness and prepare for my maiden talk session NOW!

[ The Diva ]

2010-04-19T23:44:00.005-04:00

Dear beloved, handsome Diva, Syafique Daniel!

Happy Birthday! I hope this year would invite more happiness in your life. You are the most cheerful person I've ever known, and please keep it that way because you are like a ray of sunlight that penetrates other people's gloomy day. I hope you wouldn't resortfor leech in your face anymore because I'll be the one that will plaster your face jugak! Hahaha!

Bonus question: "Bila mau kawen?" Hahaha!

Dear Diva,

We need a celebration with Azalia Rahman soon. Double celebration sounds like fun! and maybe a sleepover too!

Happy Birthday again!

Yang Benar-Benar belaka ,

Fadli Moja Amin

( Posted this on FB, I think Diva cried. Hahaha!)

[The Other Blog: "Hot Chocolate & Mint" by Diana Rikasari]

2010-04-19T07:53:00.009-04:00

I find that her blog is very. very interesting and appealing to be read. Diana Rikasari is a fashion blogger based in Jakarta, Indonesia. She's been on numerous magazines and now has her own shoes and clothing labels; Bloopendorse & Wondershoe. I admire her passion in fashion ( hey it rhymes! ) and doing good charity, of course through fashion! Its good to see people gives back to the needy! What a beaut!

Passionate people always have interesting stories to be shared.

Now, let's do what you're passionate about!

Visit her here:

Hot Chocolate & Mint

[ The Other Blog: "We Can Be Champions" by Tony Fernandes]

2010-04-19T05:31:00.008-04:00

"So to all the cynics give Malaysia and Malaysians a chance. Embrace the brave, the visionaries, the dreamers and the innovators. Embrace positive energy. It’s much better than just writing negative stories. Go out and make a difference. Don’t just hammer those with a positive attitude. Change today and go out and make a difference."

This post by Tony Fernandes is the best advice that I can offer to myself and share with friends. Wanting to change the world is not an easy thing. It may seems a crazy, ridiculous idea (of changing the world) but I believe that the person that can change the course of the world is the people who are crazy, ridiculous enough to dream about it.

Make a difference in someone else's life, or get out of my way.

Check out the rest of "We Can Be Champions" here:

TONY FERNANDES BLOG

[ The Other Blog: "Amazing" by Kenny Mah ]

2010-04-19T00:38:00.009-04:00

"I want to be happy. I want to do something I enjoy every day, something I am passionate about. I want to do this with out worrying about money or about how others might think of me. I want to feel secure enough that I don’t have to prove myself to others — only prove my worth to myself, to be account able to my own sense of worth and dignity"

A truly inspiring post by my favourite wordsmith, Kenny Mah.

Check out the rest of his latest post, "Amazing" here:

LIFE FOR BEGINNERS

P/S: Yes, that's a picture of him upthere! Hahaha!

[ Soldier ]

2010-04-18T14:21:00.010-04:00

Love, Love, Love Malaysia!

"You are a soldier
The chosen one
Bring back the heyday
Look far away
With respect and decay
Forever well stay
Together"

[ Photo by: PhotogMao! ]

[ Alhamdulillah ]

2010-04-18T12:01:00.006-04:00

Minutes ago, I just received a very, very good news and I feel like crying right now.Another chance for me to do something for my country and myself.

Another chance to cross out a dream in my "Bucket List"

Thank You, Allah.

Alhamdulillah

[Pulun!]

2010-04-18T11:22:00.004-04:00

1. These are the pictures back when we were practicing Shakespeare's "Richard the Third".

2. Those other criminals are; Azri, Fira, Chip, Acad

3. Mr. Kieran congratulated us for our short play.

4. Awesome friends do awesome work.

5. Don't ask who and why that guy wearing that wedding veil.

6. Kami memang suka pulun berlakon!!

[Atonement]

2010-04-18T10:47:00.007-04:00

Joined by Love. Separated by Fear. Redeemed by Hope.

This is a real perfection.

I've been a real fan of "Atonement" that is based Ian McEwan's novel and minutes after I googled Snow Patrol's "Set the Fire to Third Bar", lo and behold, I found this on YouTube! A very, very perfect video with significant Atonement's moments. Geez. I should watch the movie again tonight. Whomsoever did this fans video is a pure genius!

[The Remedy]

2010-04-18T10:24:00.004-04:00

"Set the Fire to the Third Bar" by Snow Patrol & Martha Wainwright

"I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms"

[ Mamak Mee-Ah! & National Geographic Store! ]

2010-04-18T08:35:00.007-04:00

1. *Nerd alert!*

I visited National Geographic store that was recently opened in KL. Waited for soooo long! I had 15 minutes conversation with the store's assistant about NG. We had fun chatting and explaining!

2. FYI, this store is the FOURTH store in the world after London, Washington D.C & Singapore! Proud, proud!

*Nerd alert ends*

2. Enjoyed Herne's latest theatre installment of Mamak Mee-Ah! Hillarious and worth every penny.Except for the seatings. Hehehe

3. The best 'sesat' moment ever. Shah Alam - Sentul - KL - Putrajaya - Shah Alam!! Hahaha! Thanks for the ride, Azila!

p/s: Not much of photos were taken. 'twas dark and raining cows and chickens! Hehehe! :(

[LifeList]

2010-04-11T09:29:00.004-04:00

updated.

TRAVEL & LEISURE

+ Set foot on each of the Seven Continents

1. Asia
2. Africa
3. North America
4. South America
5. Antartica
6. Europe
7. Australia

+ Places I will go

1. Venice, Italy
2. Rome, Italy
3. Hollywood, California
4. Amsterdam, Netherlands
5. The Al Hambra, Spain
6. Galapagos Archipelago
7. Mecca, Saudi Arabia
8. Vatican City
9. Las Vegas, Nevada
10. Los Angeles, California
11. Hawaii
12. Prague. Czech Republic

RELATIONSHIPS

1. Fall madly in Love
2. Forgive
3. Stargazing with her
4. Love Mak & Abah unconditionally
5. Having our own child
6. Dancing to John Mayer’s with Her in the living room
7. Super romantic dinner

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENTS

1. Donate blood
2. Register as an organ donor
3. Donate clothes I no longer use
4. Help people to start a business
5. Raise funds for the unfortunates
6. Be a relief volunteer for nature disaster
7. Help someone who's in a dire need of something.

CAREER & FINANCE

1. Be a writer / columnist
2. Scriptwriting

3. Be an amateur poet

LIFESTYLE & CULTURE

+ Read a self-written poem before total strangers

+ Sing aloud

+ Design my own house & a comfy reading room!

+ Write a book and get it published

+ Books I will read before I die

1. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
2. The Art of War by Sun Tzu
3. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
4. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
5. The Compilation of Rumi's Work
6. The Prince by Niccolò Machiavelli.
7. The Compilation of Kahlil Gibran's Work

SPORTS & ADVENTURE

1. Learn archery
2. Horse riding
3. Ski. Ski. Ski
4. Try fencing
5. Run a Marathon
6. Take up a martial art
7. Ride in on a hot air balloon
8. Go paragliding
9. Go on a helicopter ride
10. Go scuba diving
11. Go bungee jumping
12. Go white water rafting
13. Go wall climbing
14. Learn to fly a plane
15. Go zorbing
16. Go spelunking
17. Go hiking
18. Military training

[Mak&Abah]

2010-04-09T05:18:00.006-04:00

Last three days, I was at, maybe, the lowest point of health in my life. My head aches tremendously, there are blisters all over my scalp, torso and face and I can barely move a muscle for it would bring so much pain to my whole body. For the first time, my self-spirit was bent to my physical capacity.

I felt so low.

I've been at home for 5 days, and tomorrow I'll be heading back to Shah Alam. Too many things to do; quizzes, assignments, projects and all. I have to go back early even the given off-days by the doc would end next week.

I am not fully healed yet, but my spirit has recovered.

Mak & Abah,

Your son is now twentythree year old gentleman. But he still can't even take a good care of himself at this point. It's funny to think that you've been taking a good care of me since I was 9 months in Mak's womb, and up till today, you still do the thing that you do the best; taking care of me. I know, I know you two are already proud of your three children. But I'm telling you this, Mak & Abah, on one fine day, I will make you really, really, really proud because you two are the best presents Allah can ever give to me. I owe you two too much, too much and all I can ever express is, Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.

I Love you so much, Mak and Abah.

Love,
Mohamad Zulfadli Mohd. Amin

Shah Alam, I'm all psyched-up and will be baaaack!

[TEDxKL 2010]

2010-03-22T21:06:00.003-04:00

I've been a staunch follower of TED since 2008 (through iTunes' podcasts, of course). It's amazing when you watch amazing speeches by amazing people that change the world in many amazing ways. Seriously, I like the speeches so, so much. It's inspiring and makes me feel everything in this world is attainable, if we put our heart and soul into it.

and now, for the 2nd time, TED is coming to Malaysia.

TEDxKL - will spark a mark in Malaysia on the 27th of March 2010, Saturday in Microsoft Auditorium, Level 29, Tower 2, Petronas Twin Towers. And praise to Allah, I was among the selected 20 to be the Youth Ambassadors of TEDxKL and be part of the organizing committee. Alhamdulillah. God works in a very mysterious ways. Now, I'm all prepared to meet new amazing people and experience TED at the same time.

For those who are interested to join, please head over to http://www.tedxkl.com/.

Hurry up as the seats are limited!

*(Online price is RM50 while walk-in payment is RM80 per ticket)

[Dreamer]

2010-03-21T07:24:00.007-04:00

I am a full-time dreamer.

I have plenty of dreams and been chasing, capturing them one by one.

It makes me feel alive.

but,

I have to be a realist.

The only dream that I am going to achingly surrender is you.

because it makes me feel so weak & vulnerable.

[PainfulSaturday]

2010-03-19T20:19:00.002-04:00

Saturday.

Rise early today. Am all prepared to visit project's site.

Visiting people that need my love, attention, help & care. I'm glad that I can help.

but,

I'm still sad. There's a sharp pain in my heart since I decided to forget her.

This is just a phase.

just a phase.

[F]

2010-03-19T12:00:00.001-04:00

Tepat pukul 12 am. Saturday.

Tiba-tiba rasa sedih.

Geez. Fuck the sadness away, dude.

[Haven't]

2010-03-19T11:38:00.007-04:00

I just haven't met you yet.

Ohh, promise you, kid, to give so much than I get.

I just haven't met you yet.

[Please Find This #12]

2010-03-19T11:22:00.004-04:00

To: You

Adoring you makes me;

(a) feel stupid

(b) feel guilty

(d) feel hopeless

... none of the above is positive. None.

You didn't notice me after all. I survived for so long before this.

I am perfectly alone. I'll be OK.

I'll not wait. I'll move on.

[Niche]

2010-03-19T10:52:00.006-04:00

workplace.

[ :) ]

2010-03-18T09:45:00.001-04:00

from left: Azri, Pah, Min & Shah.

[SoalHati]

2010-03-17T13:47:00.002-04:00

Soal. Soal.

Rasa itu tak pernah sampai ke situ, sayang.

Tingkap hati tertutup.

Rapi.

[Mati]

2010-03-17T13:39:00.001-04:00

Bila mati,

Mungkin kah ada yang akan menangis, berdoa serta menghargai?

Khilaf.

[Mahathirism pt. deux]

2010-03-06T12:48:00.011-04:00

Waited for almost 2/3 hours.

Gossiping about our First Lady.

Make-up. Checked.

Microphone. Checked.

Spotlights. Cameramen. Crews.

4 panels.

A Lawyer, a Dato', an Ustaz, and Dr Fazley.

#1.

Dr. Fazley :

Name me the latest education theory that haven't been introduced here in Malaysia. If you are a well-resourced person, you would know the answer.

Moja Amin:

( I HATE YOUUUUH! ) May I pass the question please?

Dr Fazley:

Sure. Just wanna check whether you walk your talk or not.

Moja Amin:

( I HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH )

___________________________________________________________________________________

#2.

Dato' Something:

Name me the education minister of Malaysia during 1962?

Moja Amin:

Tun Dr Mahathir?

Dato' Something:

NO! (sambil geleng kepala)

Moja Amin:

(HAHAHAHAHAHA!)

___________________________________________________________________________________

#3.

Mr. Lawyer:

Define and please differentiate these two; Malaysian Malaysia & Gagasan 1 Malaysia

Moja Amin:

blahblahblah (dengan yakin!)

___________________________________________________________________________________

#4.

Ustaz Something :

Zulfadli, tell me about yourself and why we should select you as one of the participant.

Moja Amin:

Blahblahblah (Thank you, Ustaz)

___________________________________________________________________________________

#5.

Dato' Something:

In what year 13th May tragedy happened?

Moja Amin:

1969 (ceh. easy!)

___________________________________________________________________________________

#6.

Dato' Something:

Can you sing, act or dance?

Moja Amin:

(uh-oh) I can sing. Maybeee.

Dato' Something:

OK let us here your voice then,

Moja Amin:

(Shit. Nak nyanyi lagu apaaa?)

I feel like I don't belong... in this time and place...

(Yes. Aku nyanyi lagu Whoa! Willow!! )

Dato' Something:

Yes! You got the golden ticket and welcome to Hollywoooood!

dengan muka kanak2 Ribena!)

Moja Amin:

(WTF?) HAHAHAHAHA!

___________________________________________________________________________________

#7.

Dan banyak lagi soalan-soalan lain. Aku pasrah.

It was a great experience being interviewed by them (and embarrassing too)

Terima kasih atas semua doa dan kata-kata semangat! I kept them all in my pockets during the interview. THANK YOUUU! :)

___________________________________________________________________________________

2010-03-06T12:21:00.000-04:00

[Mahathirism]

2010-03-03T16:10:00.004-04:00

17 IPTA/IPTS.

100 candidates will be interviewed.

50 brightest students will be selected

...and stand a chance to meet Tun Dr. Mahathir Mohamad for a 5-day event at Hotel Awana, Genting Highlands.

I'll be interviewed Jabatan Hal Ehwal Khas (JASA) in two days. Yes, the interview will be on Saturday, 3 p.m. I know how much important and valuable this opportunity is, but I can't restrain myself from feeling inferior now. I.am.not.confident. Simple words, I don't think that I'm going to get a spot among the 50.

I know this is a long shot, but I'll do my best. Azalia said, "If God brings you to it, He will brings you through it".

p/s: Dear God, I'll be fasting for 3 days if you give me a chance to be one of the selected 50. Just so you know, I don't mind of being the 50th person to be selected. Pleasssse.

Please Find This #11

2010-03-03T13:48:00.003-04:00

To: You

... and I wanna run, run smack into you

(Jon McLaughlin, Smack Into You)

I'll wait.

[Birds]

2010-02-27T01:31:00.002-04:00

Awesome bukan? I love the iron birds.

Should I consider pursuing my only dream as a pilot?

(I am hereby officially the most indecissive soul on the planet!)

Thinking.

[Classroom Achievements]

2010-02-26T13:28:00.004-04:00

I draw this during Madam Norsiah's Writing class.

I think the paper planes & clouds are awesome. Vain, I know.

[The Current Grammar of Life]

2010-02-26T07:48:00.007-04:00

Now we are moving into the third month of 2010. Time flies so damn fast, isn't? Geez. It is time for us to wake up, execute and make ideas happen!

What the hell I'm up to?

I am in the midst of designing a campaign for SIFE & Ethos! Two of my beloved organizations that I joined and in-charge of. The campaign is going to be massive! And now I am accumulating all the supports from people around me. I'll meet Dato' VC next week, and let's see how's his response to my idea / proposal. I hope he'll give the nod to my campaign, InsyaAllah. It's not an easy job, I know. But will I give in and sit back? Hell no.

So, stop hitting the snooze button on our ideas! :)

Who is that clumsy girl? (Jasmine will love this!)

Ergh. I know, I know that I can be helplessly romantic at times. Sorry If I bleed any of your eyes whilst reading my corny "PleaseFuckingFindThis" notes. I just have to let my big emotions out sometimes. But, I don't like the idea of being 'caged' in a relationship, you know. Give me any other commitments, but this kind of commitment will not do. But I am adoring someone now. It's complicated. Hohoho!

Why?

Because she's already in a relationship.

Darn it. Loser betul.

Inner demon?

I have a lot of inner demons. I wished I can turn myself into one of the Winchesters' and slay them off. I used to be a resentful person. To forgive somebody (be it a jerk, bitch, or asshole) is a tall order for me. To make me say 'sorry' over things that entirely not my fault is almost impossible. It's so easy to be angry. But soon I realized that I SHOULD be forgiving. Why? These are the reasons;

1) Maybe he/she is a grumpy, tired, aching and very unhappy soul. He had chosen a wrong holiday. So, he tried to vent his anger/ frustration/ displeasure to another human being, which is me. Should I blame him over his bad karma? No. He had suffered bad enough.

2) God has endowed me with so many opportunities, amazing friends and healthy mind. Should I take the low road and be resentful? No. I don't have rights to do so.

3) Being forgiving makes you look easy to be pushed around? No. Being forgiving & tolerant won't erode my principles and show signs of meekness or submissive. Instead, it will nurture my integrity & moral uprightness.

4) I have to much Love to offer and too busy to let hatred and abhorrence step into my heart. :)

p/s: Congratulations, Moja. Now, you've already slay one of the demons. The rest of them demons can anxiously wait.

Hopes?

I know I'm gonna have an amazing year that profuse with opportunities and positivity! I hope God will grant me with more ideas to change others and my self for the better.

"The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up!"

Please Find This #10

2010-02-25T13:14:00.001-04:00

To: You

You are such a beautiful person.

I hope you know how much so.

I'll wait.

Please Find This #9

2010-02-25T13:07:00.002-04:00

To: You

Your modesty spellbound me.

I'll wait.

Please Find This #8

2010-02-25T12:50:00.001-04:00

To: You

I'll wait.

Please Find This #7

2010-02-24T15:02:00.004-04:00

To: You

When I saw you with him, I try to not put much hopes on this feeling.

But what if I still Love you?

I'll wait.

Please Find This #6

2010-02-24T14:47:00.004-04:00

To: You

They say, "There are many, many more fish in the sea".

I said, "I don't want fish..."

I want you.

I'll wait.

Please Find This #5

2010-02-23T13:40:00.009-04:00

To: You

This Love is tiring. It weakens me.

Because I have to hide this from you.

I'll wait.

Please Find This #4

2010-02-23T13:13:00.007-04:00

To: You

If you were science, I'll be a scientist.

If you were maths, I'll be a mathematician.

but you are magic,

and I am no magician. I can't make you Love me.

I'll wait.

Please Find This #3

2010-02-22T14:09:00.003-04:00

To: You

I was happily unattached to anyone before.

Then you ruined it all.

I'll wait.

Please Find This #2

2010-02-22T13:55:00.003-04:00

To: You

We've been friends for quite sometimes. And I'm not aware the other half of my heart went missing since the day I saw you. Forgetting you is almost impossible now, and its like trying to remember someone I never knew.

I'll wait.

Please Find This #1

2010-02-21T20:58:00.008-04:00

To: You

I think I already fell in love with you since the first day I met you, clumsy girl.

Silly me, I ignored your presence.

I'll wait.

[ 2004 ]

2010-02-20T22:33:00.006-04:00

MRSM Taiping Graduation Day 2004

A friend uploaded this vintage picture of us three on FB.

Zul, Faiz and Aiezad

an awesome (but dorky) memory indeed. :)

Update: Oh my. Yang ni lagi hyper-dorky! Dah lah botak! Heccckk! :P

Class 409/509 MRSM Taiping

[ :) ]

2010-02-20T22:07:00.004-04:00

Oh. Here we go again, counting blessings. 1,2,3!

1. Yes, tomorrow is the first stage of selection for the interview. I am cuak as always.

2. No, I haven't come up with a resume yet.

3. Yes, I hope I'll make it through and be selected.

4. Workloads are piling up and ready to drop bomb on me. But I like it.

5. Test on Tuesday. An important meeting on Tuesday. Crap.

6. Weekends with the Asasians. :)

7. I hope I have more time to buy and read novels. It's been so long. :(

8. (almost) Everything falls into its places, and I couldn't ask for more. Thanks Allah. :)

[Sedar]

2010-02-19T23:06:00.002-04:00

Tuhan,

Sudah cukup apa yang kau beri,

kerana aku tersipu segan sendiri.

Tuhan,

Terkadang ku sesali diri,

pada alpa,

pada dosa yang ku pejamkan mata.

Tapi ,

Tuhan,

Kau tak pernah lari,

apatah lagi membenci

kerana kau sentiasa ada disini dan masih memberi.

Tuhan,

Terima kasih atas peluang yang di beri,

kerana itu hadiah paling bererti.

Tuhan,

Terima kasih atas emansipasi diri,

kerana aku sudah bisa berdiri.

Tuhan,

Takbir ku,

Rukuk ku,

Sujud ku,

Hanya pada-Mu.

Tuhan,

Terima kasih atas rasa sedar ini.

[Soft&Hard]

2010-02-19T22:30:00.007-04:00

I want to be hard like rocks.

Each pressure turns myself into gem stones. It shall beautify & refine me. Rather than breaking me.

I want to be soft like plasticine.

Each step I fall down lending a hand to me. Shaping me. Rather than stopping me.

[HellSent]

2010-02-19T22:07:00.000-04:00

I have fought,

I have forgotten,

I have started over,

I have loved another.

and maybe,

we have to shatter down everything,

to make someone better out of

ourselves.

because the lower you fall,

the higher will you soar.

[ Cheers! to a Nutella life! ]

2010-02-18T23:04:00.001-04:00

[TheReasons]

2010-02-14T04:08:00.001-04:00

The reasons for Love.

[Lights]

2010-02-13T07:54:00.002-04:00

[23 Enigma]

2010-02-13T06:25:00.004-04:00

I stared at my Mac's screen for several minutes.

2010. I am 23 this year and yes I have no clear plan for myself. Maybe not yet. Its already February and I have several more months to prepare my team for the competition that we've been preparing for months. That is my ultimate goal for this year. My purpose.

Maybe some of you might wonder, why I bother to jot these down? First, by putting your goals into written form, will make it more 'visible' and as your constant reminder. We are humans, and we need to be reminded at times. I have a lot of resolutions for 2010 due to the fact that I'll be graduating in 2011. I need to prepare myself before I put myself in the graduation robe. And second, I have too many resolutions in my brain, so I think I need to jot it down for ideas would remain as ideas if you only have them rot in your brain. Change starts with words on paper.

2009. As 2009 passed by, I wonder what have I achieved in life? Where the days, the weeks, the months have gone? Did I let them slipped away just like that, or did I embrace them and make full use of the offered time? This year I don’t want to be an indecisive piece of shit.

Hence, I am creating my list of resolutions, and I look forward to achieve more and be the best version of myself this year around.

InsyaAllah.

[DuaPuluhTiga]

2010-02-08T02:16:00.002-04:00

Beberapa hari lepas.

Saya berjalan di tengah kota Kuala Lumpur. Hiruk-pikuk kota yang amat merimaskan. Panasnya usah digambar. Namun itu bukan alasan pada hati kami yang mencari tujuan.

Umur memanjat angka dua puluh tiga tahun ini. DUA PULUH TIGA. Tuhan berikan segala macam nikmat yang maha hebat. Aku rasa rendah diri dengan pencapaian diri. Tapi hari ini, aku dan rakan-rakan diam-diam pasang niat dalam-dalam. Panas kami redah, lorong hanyir kami susur, namun aku pasti ada sesuatu yang bermakna menanti di balik susahnya perjalanan dan renyah kerenah manusia ini.

"Nah, ini hadiah kepada yang mencari!" mungkin itu yang Tuhan bisa bisik di hatiku.

Sayu mata memandang. Mata mula berkaca-kaca, bila melihat senyum girang tawa mu. Kini aku tahu, sebahagian hidupku, adalah untuk mu.

Tuhan,

Berikan kami kekuatan memperbaiki dia serta diri ini kerana kami tahu kau adalah Tuhan yang bisa membolak-balik kan keping hati ini. Permudahkan urusan ini dan pertahankan rasa cinta ini, agar ia tak terbiar tak kesampaian.

[Emansipasi]

2010-02-07T06:31:00.001-04:00

Tuhan,

Kiranya aku sudah pekak dengan cacian.

aku sudah tak ambil pusing dengan nasihat.

aku sudah tak perlu menangi hati sesiapa,

aku sudah penat dengan permainan yang sampai kapan

pun tak mungkin berakhir.

Kini,

sudah tiba masa, waktu, detik, saat.

Aku dengar cacian hati sendiri,

aku nasihati hati sendiri

aku perlu menangi hati sendiri

aku perlu berhenti bermain.

Ini adalah satu transisi bagi emansipasi diri yang penuh bererti.

Moga-moga.

Amin.

[Change]

2010-01-14T14:09:00.000-04:00

[You&Me]

2009-12-23T22:07:00.002-04:00

How to forget me.

1. Take a deep breath. Let fresh air fills your lung, each branching passages. So the oxygen can pass slowly into and carbon dioxide be removed.

2. Open your eyes. To the good old days and impossible possibilities.

3. Walk. Walk away from that memory lane. Keep them safely in a box and start forging ahead. Never look back.

4. Run. If you need to. From me, from the shallow past and from uncertainty.

5. Love. Find love in the eyes of others because I'm not all you need. Find love that makes your heart go fonder and knees go weak.

How to forget you.

1. I run away.

2. I run away.

3. I run away.

4. I run away.

5. I just run away.

[EmosiKurangStabil]

2009-12-15T05:46:00.003-04:00

Kadang-kadang aku fikir, kita manusia sebenarnya hanya ada diri sendiri untuk bersandar.

Bagaimana dengan kawan?

Pernah rasa sakit hati? Pernah berkawan rapat? Perasaan bila hati diremuk-remuk macam kertas surat khabar yang hanya penting pada hari ini, esok sudah boleh buang. Lepas tu buat lap kuah Maggi yang tumpah. Sial betul.

Kau, tutur kata kau dan senyum manis kau boleh pergi mati.